I ran away from him that night, but I couldn’t stay away. Not really. He was constantly on my mind, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. And the experiment I’d tried, the one where I’d tried to change my sexual fantasies? Well, I guess it was a success in some ways. Just not in the ways I’d hoped. Instead of fantasies of faceless, dominant men and faceless, submissive women, my thoughts had simply focused on him. It was very frustrating.

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A few months ago, I started getting my coffee from Java Joe’s, this little drive-thru coffee place. One day, a new employee waited on me. All the other people who work there are girls, but this time, I had a young guy wait on me. I thought he was a real cutie-pie. He has longish brown hair and big, soulful brown eyes. He’s kind of small, not much taller than me and not very muscular. He was just the cutest thing, maybe about 20 or 21 years old. I wanted to pick him up and put him in my pocket.

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